- Aries: You will successfully tie your shoes today, impressing no one but yourself.
- Taurus: You will find a new favorite pen today, and it will bring you inexplicable joy.
- Gemini: You will wear a shirt today, and no one will comment on it.
- Cancer: You will listen to a song today, and it will resonate with you in a mildly pleasant way.
- Leo: You will make a joke today, and it will be met with polite laughter.
- Virgo: You will make a to-do list today, and then promptly forget about it.
- Libra: You will see a cute animal today, and it will briefly improve your mood.
- Scorpio: You will overhear an interesting conversation today, and then immediately forget what it was about.
- Sagittarius: You will read a mildly amusing joke today, and then promptly forget about it.
- Capricorn: You will successfully balance your checkbook today, and no one will care.
- Aquarius: You will learn a useless fact today, and then struggle to find a way to incorporate it into a conversation.
- Pisces: You will see a cloud that looks like a familiar shape today, and then forget what it was by the end of the day.
Inane Horoscopes for May 2023