Inane Horoscopes for May 2023

  1. Aries: You will successfully tie your shoes today, impressing no one but yourself.
  2. Taurus: You will find a new favorite pen today, and it will bring you inexplicable joy.
  3. Gemini: You will wear a shirt today, and no one will comment on it.
  4. Cancer: You will listen to a song today, and it will resonate with you in a mildly pleasant way.
  5. Leo: You will make a joke today, and it will be met with polite laughter.
  6. Virgo: You will make a to-do list today, and then promptly forget about it.
  7. Libra: You will see a cute animal today, and it will briefly improve your mood.
  8. Scorpio: You will overhear an interesting conversation today, and then immediately forget what it was about.
  9. Sagittarius: You will read a mildly amusing joke today, and then promptly forget about it.
  10. Capricorn: You will successfully balance your checkbook today, and no one will care.
  11. Aquarius: You will learn a useless fact today, and then struggle to find a way to incorporate it into a conversation.
  12. Pisces: You will see a cloud that looks like a familiar shape today, and then forget what it was by the end of the day.
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Inane Horoscopes for April 2023

  1. Aries: You will have a bodily function today, and it will be entirely normal.
  2. Taurus: You will eat a meal today, and it will be satisfying.
  3. Gemini: You will communicate with another human being today, and it will be unremarkable.
  4. Cancer: You will feel an emotion today, and it will be valid.
  5. Leo: You will encounter a mirror today, and you will look great.
  6. Virgo: You will notice something out of place today, and you will fix it.
  7. Libra: You will have a social interaction today, and it will be pleasant.
  8. Scorpio: You will have a thought today, and it will be intriguing.
  9. Sagittarius: You will have an experience today, and it will be interesting.
  10. Capricorn: You will have a responsibility today, and you will handle it.
  11. Aquarius: You will encounter a new idea today, and it will be thought-provoking.
  12. Pisces: You will have a dream tonight, and it will be forgettable.
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