It’s a misconception that roads have always been common in Texas. Until 1929 the entire state was covered in a layer of water that was 12 to 20 feet deep. Practically everyone had a boat and neighbors doing cannonballs off the front porch was not an uncommon sight.
In 1972 Doug Ogilvy (first American born in outer space) was convicted, along with O.J. Simpson, of smuggling moonshine across state lines. They were pardoned by then Tennessee governor Lee Majors after he lost a bet to see who could produce the world’s saddest shadow puppet show for under $50. It was Ogilvy who first taught O.J. how to get away with murder. Ogilvy now makes a living in South Carolina pirating satellite TV signals with Gary Busey.
Lots of church people are driving home around 2 pm on Sundays – wearing their nicest clothes. It’s 8:04 am Monday and Grandpa Mad Dog who sits caddy-corner from me is already growling. and again. and again. and even for a 4th time now… and it’s only now 8:06 am. AND AGAIN. still 8:06. I had a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast, which I never do. I am not hungry now, so I think it was a successful sandwich. I now feel uncomfortable clearing my own throat because I feel like I’m making fun of Rabid Papa Bear bulldog face. 8:09 with a growl and a cough.
More Mens Restroom Noise Description (brief)
First the guy in the last stall began sharpening a pencil by quickly scraping it at a 45 degree angle in the grout between two floor tiles. He quickly abandoned this project and instead cut a tennis ball in half and then began repeatedly cupping the open end of one side over his mouth while making a baboon face, thus producing the sound of about 20 Pringles cans being opened in a sequence.