My Top 10 Favorite “Texts From Last Night”


(306): Not saying I’m a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her


(510): Someone changed my text signature to “Also, I think I might be gay” last night. Also, I think I might be gay


(631): im so bored in class… i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies


(917): you wouldn’t come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
(720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning…
(917): no it doesn’t.


(205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
(1-205): You said “This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow.” Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
(205): This explains so much.


(910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there–you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup–then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you “wanted water”. you then, fell down the stairs while saying “you don’t know me” then crawled to the couch.


(334): He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.


(905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.


(240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
(732): like it was yesterday


(201): why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall